I will Follow You Into the dark.

"You and me have seen everything to see 
From Bangkok to Calgary 
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down 
The time for sleep is now 
It's nothing to cry about 
Cause we'll hold each other soon"
- Death Cab for Cutie     


In this past week, I've lost parts of me that I held quite close. My Aunt Suzy, who has been like a 2nd mother to me in so many ways. She was the most positive, strong, giving, wonderful, person I've ever been blessed to know. She was my mothers mother in so many ways. And has given so much to every persons life she has touched. When I was little she used to give my cousin and I baths and then she'd cover us in lotion, put us in our pj's and put us to bed in Traces queen size bed (he was 2). I'll never forget the smell of her lotion, and how loved I felt. And as I've gotten older I have seen her less but, she still made me feel so loved. She made sure I got a chance to try new things and reassured me when I was questioning decisions I was making. She believed in me. I miss her so much. I cans till hear her voice and see her smile. I feel like the world is a little less without her presence. But its alright because shes up there dancing with ma Jesus. It breaks my heart though, not only did my Uncle and Cousin have to watch her suffer. My uncle lost his soul mate, and my cousin lost his mother on the night of his Senior Prom. Life is so unfair sometimes.






"I just need more time
So get off your low and let's dance like we used to
But there's a light in the distance

                                  Waiting for me, I will wait for you"
- White Lies




Also this week yesterday (Sunday, I haven't been to bed yet.) My brothers dad passed away, that may sound less like a big deal to someone who hasn't grown up in the family I have, but I was close to Fitz he was more like my uncle then my moms ex husband. And he was like a super close uncle because he's my Big Brothers Dad. He used to keep us both on weekends and if my parents needed someone to watch me I always had Fitzy-Witzy to go to. I remember him watching a lot of hockey, and the smell of an apartment complex he lived in when I was probably just 4 years old... it smelled like stale cigarettes and apartment. That may be an odd description but theres just something about non-private apartment buildings, everyones living habits coming together for one smell. I remember foosball or one of those table hockey games being right as you walked in, and i remember him giving me orange juice, my mom had run out to the car or something for a minute, and when she came to take me I remember crying because I w
ahink I realized who and what he was in correlation with me until I was like 9 or 10 when Lori came into the picture, it was then it clicked he was my brothers Father, my mom was married to him, my brother was my half brother. I think now that only makes me love Fitz more. He claimed me even though he didnt have to, he has always treated me like family, he and my dad became good friends we spend holidays together all of us. Losing him has been such an abrupt and sad loss, my little sister is only 8, and my brother I can't imagine how heart broken he is. To loose his father on his birthday, and Easter.  And Lori. She lost her husband, she in an unexpected instant became a widow and a single mother. I wish I could just hug her right now.







I Love You Fitz
I Love You Aunt Suzy
I Love You David
I Love You Grandpa
I Love You Uncle Brian
I Love You Uncle Tim
I Love You Patrick




I Love You Aunt Nora
I Love You Uncle Mike





See You In Heaven